I was in Greenpoint today running some errands on my way to the gym. This means I was wearing gym clothes. As I was walking down the street a cute little bald man in his early 70's said "Hi Mami." He was so cute so I said hi back, which I normally do not.
"You are beautiful", he said.
I said thank you and then pointed to himself and said "Luis".
"Nice to meet you, Luis", I said, and headed into the store.
"I love you", he smiled and blew me a kiss.
I was torn between being disturbed and charmed and flattered. I decided to go with charmed because he was 5'2 and looked like a little muffin.
I get hit on or cat called a lot when I am wearing gym clothes. (Or, in a recent bizarre incident what I can only describe as "bird-called" in which some dude made some sort of a crow cawing sound as I walked by).
Anyway, this is mysterious to me and sometimes makes me feel like I'm being made fun of. Also, recently when I have been out and feeling like I looked kind of good I get nothing. This gets me all kind of messed up because I judge how good I look based on the quality of sexual harrassment I experience. My whole schema gets turned around.
Also, the thing is, I'm not what you would call particularly"fit" or "in-shape" right now. Since I sleep about 12 hours a day and the rest of the time I comfort/boredom eat. So it's not like someone is like "aw girl, you the hottie with a body in ya workout clothes". It's more like, "So....you're kinda hoping you'll pass a Mr. Softee on your way home from the gym, right? Yeah, that's what I thought."
So I'm not sure what it is about my demographic that likes me in my gym clothes...assuming they are just not making fun of me.
My demographic is usually:
Over-40
Working class/blue collar
Bald
Maybe a little on the paunchier side
Spanish or black.
The racial component I can only assume is because these happen to be the races that appreciate a girl who's more on the bootylicious side. I think they also tend to be the races that are more inclined to make a comment to a girl, though, so who knows if it's just cuz I have a big butt.
Anyways, obviously I am not the only girl to ever get cat called and it begs the question...does this actually work for dudes? Has some girl ever said, "oh, hold up...did you just bird call me? Make that sound again. Oh, hell yeah, guess who's gettin' my number?!" There has got to be some pay off for people to keep on doing this, right? Anyone know of any love connections based on some dude objectifying some chick and her positive response to said objectification?
Go misogyny!
I am deciding which bad date to write about next, so stay tuned!
Monday, July 28, 2008
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9 comments:
The over-40 women LOVE me, which I never figured out. They think I look like Brad Pitt. Weird. If I was 43 I would be nailing crazy cougars.
And I've never really "cat-called" anybody, per se. I'm sure Miss And She Was can confirm, I'd be more likely to walk up to a woman and ask if she's planning on blowing me or not than make a weird noise like a giraffe or something. As for the success rate of my attempts? Well, probably more than you'd think. Of course, I'd assume you would think 0%, so that's not saying too much.
For me it's the 28-35 set... the gangsters who aren't quite on their game. A little paunchier, corn-rows a little thin on the top. They've still got the swagger, bling, and constant cell on the ear, but anyone in the know realizes that their best days in the hood are behind them.
No calls of mami here. We're still in the days of "Daaaaaaaaaaamn baby, you's fine." Whenever I smile politely they go crazy so I'm guessing that the response is unusual. What else am I supposed to do though. Be rude?!
When ever I feel down I stop by the QuickTrip for Hot Tamales and harassment.
Yeah, I get cruised the most when I'm looking like crap, too, and nary a glance when I take the time to get gussied up.
The comments I hate the most are from men who tell me to smile. If I think to do it, I will flash them a teeth-gnashing, bite-your-balls-off grin, although its not really a grin, it's more like a psycho snarl.
And Vern, I really have never seen you "spit game." How did you get EmDeer into bed? I won't take "alcohol" for an answer!
"And Vern, I really have never seen you "spit game." How did you get EmDeer into bed? I won't take "alcohol" for an answer!"
I just have charm. And the magic stick. Not really.
The thing is, the idea that you have to be super tight and skinny and ripped to get cat-called is a symptom of the obsession with the Anglo-American female body archetype. Not just in Africa and Latin America, but also in the Mediterranean region, we appreciate a woman with curves - ass, hips, thighs - y'know, built like a brick shit house. The idea of the petite, skinny, assless girl being the Platonic form of beauty is an Anglocentric (and arguably racist,) notion.
I once dated this girl who was 4'11 but had a big booty and really wide hips and she got harassed all the time (when I wasn't with her, of course.)
By the way, it's me, Mike. Using the Steady Nerdin' gmail address.
I like my women like 6'3" and about 100 lbs, and then I like to perform oral on them while they hang from a basketball rim.
PS I landed Angela by yelling "Hey sweetheart, back that ass up!" after her on the street. She couldn't resist me. True story.
Some fine gentlemen read this blog. Really. It's a good thing you all are taken otherwise I would snatch you up and then we wouldn't have all of these dating disasters bringing me page views.
Ha. I'm not taken. Just far away.
I tried to take And She Was to an upstairs room at a random house in college but all she did was show me her tits.
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