Who Needs Sleep? Well, you're never gonna get it.

I have a long history of poor sleeping. My whole family does. For the past couple of years it had become part of my sleep pattern to wake up for at least an hour or two in the middle of the night. Moving to this apartment saw a gradual improvement in my sleeping pattern. Not having roommates making full-on meals at 3 am, and no longer living in a neighborhood where night-long shouting matches and large garbage trucks are part of the background noise helped. But the past few weeks have seen a resurgence of insomnia with a vengeance. Case-in-point, now it is 5:15 am. I slept from approximately 1:45 am to 2:30 am, when I was awoken by Linus puking on the bed. I have not been able to return to sleep. Tim's alarm goes off in an hour and a half. That means I will probably fall asleep in an hour, so that I have juuust entered some good sleep when I get to be awake for him to snooze for 30 goddamn minutes. Not that I'm bitter. Then I will sleep until approximately forever, thus continuing a terrible pattern that will destroy my circadian rhythm. And no, I don't want tips for falling asleep or beating insomnia, thanks.

The job-that-must-not-be-named continues. I am doing the actual door-to-door work now in an upscale apartment building. The first day was great, but a family complained because the nanny spoke with me, so they quit letting me up. Their solution was to have the doorman (oh excuse me, concierge...he corrected me the other day) call up to each of the 90 apartments on my list. This is in between his regular doorman duties and he's kind of a dick about it. The other day he did other things and left me standing around waiting for him to call up to apartments for 45 minutes. We have this phony cordial relationship that I hate having with people, when in reality we are loathing each other more by the day.

On Saturday I had a different doorman who actually let me wander the halls, which was awesome. Today, Greg the Concierge was back and he gave me a hard time. First, insisting that I have been more productive when I have called up to apartments (not true) and then saying, well I had more yesterday because it was a Saturday afternoon. But today was Mother's Day. A FAMILY Day! And people were not going to want to talk to me. Also not true. Also? Not his problem. Which is interesting considering he has made it clear that we are not a team, not working together, and that he is basically doing me a favor.  Ultimately though he let me up, when I reminded him of how many apartments he was going to have to call.

All in all the work is ok. People have been pretty cooperative for the most part. Then, there was this interaction:
This kid who is like my age had made it clear that he has tons of money. i.e. "Oh I don't know if this is my primary residence. I have several residences and I'm always traveling. So you could even consider Paris, Milan, and London primary residences." (Totally serious by the way.)

So then I ask him about ethnicity. And he says that he doesn't understand. So I read off a list of possible Hispanic, Latino or Spanish origins for him. And he says "well I speak Spanish fluently." and I said...ok....well...is your family of any of these backgrounds? And he tells me he had an Argentinian nanny who "practically raised him." And then says he also speaks French and "you can see how this is so confusing!"

I was being observed by a supervisor. If I hadn't I would have said "you arrogant jerk. Speaking a language does not make you of that culture. You are a moron and you are clearly rich and white, so why don't we just go ahead and mark that down." In the end I wrote in "Latino" per his request.

He also said that his "power-of-attorney" sometimes stays at his place. Why he chose to identify her first as a power of attorney, rather than his sister (which he said later), is anyone's guess.  I assume it's to make sure I know he's so rich that he requires someone to have power of attorney.

So....basically what we have is a rich white kid, who travels a lot for his rich, white job. In his travels he meets people who have a wide variety of ethnic backgrounds and cultures. He starts to feel lame for just being a boring white kid, so at every opportunity tries to pretend like he is anything more interesting than a trust fund baby.  Blech.  So glad it's not someone I know in real life.

Supervisors keep telling me how great I'm doing though, which is good. I am hoping that once this part is done I can do some part-time office work for them. My goal is to not get a real job until September.

Bill, the guy who lives in my building and wouldn't tell me on what floor, hates me almost as much as Greg the Concierge. I will see him at team meetings and he ignores me. I saw him today and he said goodbye, looking at everyone but me. Fortunately, my life moves on. And it turns out that so many people are refusing to speak to him that it's becoming a problem. That's what you get jack-ass.

Now to try sleep again.  Perhaps my watching the Duggars as research for my next post.

a girl's best friend is in the service industry

For a brief, tragic period my Junior year of college my best friend was Fran the housekeeper. She was probably the only person I talked to every day. She was even going to knit me an afghan until she got fired. Which was too bad because I had already picked out the colors.

I think my current best friend may be Hassan the security guard/doorman at my work. Hassan worries when he doesn't see me. He cares about my personal life. He advised me how much to tip the guys that delivered my couch. He even wanted me to move into his building and was trying to sell me on an open studio. He told another coworker that the studio apartments in his building are really shitty. But apparently they would be great for me. His new compliment is, "You don't look tired." Hassan really knows how to make a girl blush.
A couple weeks ago, Hassan casually asked me if I eat meat. I answered that I do. And that was a mistake. Because now Hassan is threatening to cook me some lamb. And here's the thing, I don't want to eat a lamb. It makes me sad. Also, I am not a huge fan of middle eastern food. I am terrified of the day when Hassan brings me in my lamb lunch and I have to choke down this saffron dusted baby animal. "Lamb with rice!" Hassan says. "It's Halal!" Oh, well if it's Halal then pleeease bring me a big ol' slice of young animal.

I can only hope, that like my much longed-for afghan, this threat of lamb never comes to fruition. I don't want Hassan to have to get fired though....who else would tell me every day that I look good?? Or, you know...at least not like I got run over by a Mac truck.

UPDATE: When I was leaving work the day I wrote this blog, Hassan asked me if I want to go to Yemen with him next year. I would rather eat baby animals every day than go to Yemen. I am now working on setting boundaries with him.

Everyone has an Office Space day sometimes

Peter: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, uh, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me- and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.
Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.




This was my schedule today:
9:00: Supposed to come in
9:30: Actually came in
9:30-12: Look at blogs, update facebook, twirl around in my chair, look at missed connections.
12-1: Actual work!
1-2: Lunch
2:15: Actually got back from lunch
2:15-2:30: Actual work!
2:30-3:15: Talk with coworkers
3:15-4:15: Actual work!
4:15-4:30: Think about what actual work I need to do tomorrow.
4:30-4:45: Talk to sister on IM
4:45-5: Write this blog.

2.25 hours of actual work today. Not too bad.

Here are some webcomics...

...that reflect current events
(in my life. i don't care about russia or DNC's. When's that next Duggar special, btw?)

ok, ok, i'll update

I came back last night from a to0-short trip back to Oregon to see the fam. It was too short of a trip and I am kind of feeling like I really want to go back next June maybe.
So I got the job that I had interviewed for....I would be more excited about it if they didn't keep pushing the date back of when I could start. It makes me feel like the agency is disorganized or inconsiderate and makes me worry about what it will be like when I start. Regardless, I start August 4th.
And thus will end 25 months of unemployment.
Honestly, I am getting kind of tired of unemployment, which I feel sacreligious saying, but there it is. And to respond to Melanie, yes I did used to play online bingo for cash and prizes. And yes, I still do. And yes, there are at least two people in every room I go to with "nana" or "grandma" in their screenname.
My internet is inconsistent in this new place, which is part of the reason that I haven't updated. Also it's hot as balls and it stifles my creativity.
But I will try to think of funny things to blog about. Possibly dating. I just went on one of the more awkward dates I've ever been on. Nothing like painfully shy computer nerds trying to throw out sexual innuendo.
Ugh.

second floor living without a yard

Well, I am finally moved amid a number of frustrations and nervous breakdowns....the most major of which was my lack of internet access for the last 4 days.
I have no cable in this place, which is fine since it's temporary and I can get all my shows online anyway. But, with no online from which to download my shows, no cable, no job and nothing to do I have spent most of my recent time here in tears. And comfort eating...which actually isn't that different from before I moved.
But! I am a genius and I have fixed my internet and it only took me approximately 10 hours. So I feel better and less out of it.
I also had a job interview today that was my 3rd (and final) with this agency. The first was a screening interview with an HR person who then referred me to diff programs throughout the agency. The program that got in touch with me was in the Bronx, and after commuting to Harlem for my first 8 months here, I knew I couldn't get down with a commute like that. So THEN they told me they had availability at a program in Brooklyn and I interviewed there last week (I think? All my days are the same), so then they contacted me for a follow up interview which I did today. The guy today said that if I chose to take the job that it would be "a pleasure to have [me]". So, I'm hoping to hear back from them by Monday and then to start ASAP....there is only so long that my Judge Karen monies will last me.
I had started a long post about my memories of moving into the apartment on DeKalb, as a memorial for the move...but I don't feel like finishing it.
I love anniversaries though, and July 5th will be my 2 year anniversary of not having a job and I am planning a grand retrospective of the last two years of daytime tv, naps, poverty, government assistance, crafts and general loafing.
Longtime blog fans can feel free to contribute their favorite memories of my unemployment times, as it appears they will be coming to an end shortly.

Things I will miss about living in bed-stuy:
The soundtrack: "No Woman, No Cry" - on Saturdays; Rap/Hip-hop - Summer evenings; Fuck you nigga -all hours, all days
Not being able to hear parts of conversations/tv shows/movies because trucks/motorcycles/buses/loud teenagers are outside.
The grocery stores
The only marginally acceptable produce being sold out of a truck on the corner.
Being within pleasant biking distance of prospect park and the big library.
Nelson, Joe from the stoop, Andre Nash the hobo hero and my upstairs neighbor who may or may not have murdered a prostitute.
Living in a dangerous but developing neighborhood.
Street cred.
Living within walking distance from The Worst Target In The World.


Things I am looking forward to in the sublet:
The new soundtrack: Mexican restaurant downstairs
A real grocery store!
Bars not owned by my landlord.
Fabric store next door.
Living on the L.
Lots of episodes of everybody loves raymond and the kirk cameron religious show because I have no cable
A new discount store to replace Family Dollar

Fair warning

This is the kind of post no one ever likes to read, because it's about how I'm bummed/stressed/depressed/annoyed I am.
But whatever, my blog views have reduced significantly now that the novelty of my tv appearance has worn off. Clearly all of you are just interested in riding the coattails of my fame.
My blog readers:Me::Aidnan Ghalib:Britney Spears.

Anyway, I am moving tomorrow. I found a sublet in Williamsburg that is really cute. I couldn't find a permanent place, but that's ok because this will give me a lot of time to find somewhere really great. Plus, the girl is excited about having cats, which is important to me.
Moving is stressful in the best of circumstances and I'm in a little bout of depression right now, so everything seems super overwhelming. I have to put some of my stuff in storage, and the storage place was supposed to provide movers but no one was available. And it turns out finding movers is hard when you wait until the last minute at the end of the month, and they are kind of expensive.
I had rented a "large capacity" car and a couple people are supposed to be helping me out (bless their souls) so we'll see how it all pans out. Right now it's torrential downpour and I think it's supposed to be similar tomorrow afternoon. I am gonna owe a couple people my first born child.

While I'm stressed about moving, I'm also ready to be done with this neighborhood and done with my roommate. I was telling her about my moving concerns and as per usual she just has to shit all over everything I say or do....she's super critical, but I don't think she thinks she is...which just makes it worse. So then when I told her that her negativity wasn't helpful she called me ridiculous and walked out.
So over it.

I'm also over the job search. I went to a job interview last week and the director never introduced herself to me (even though she was interviewing me) AND she checked her blackberry during the interview. Awesome. Needless to say, I won't be taking a position if offered one.
The job I have basically been offered sounds great, unfortunately the supervisor is on vacation until July 10....and I would really like to get things moving sooner than that. Super frustrating.

Meh. I'm just done with everything. I am planning on sequestering myself in my new place and playing online solitaire until September.

Basically, everything that has been going on has really made me question whether staying here was really the right choice for me.
Things will be better once I am done moving, have cut off contact with assholes in my life and get a job.
The secret is being hard to implement right now.

OMG update

The landlord has agreed to do People's Court! He's all about it, actually. I am calling the producer tomorrow, so updates will follow.
Also, I am moving out at the end of the month, so now I am looking for places/roommates. Anyone who knows of anyone who's looking and wants to live with meowers should let me know.
AND I'm now freaking out about not finding a job.
BUT I am just turning it all over to The Secret.
Meanwhile, I'm getting my ass to the gym, I'm not gonna be one of those pudgy girls you see on People's Court. I'm gonna do trashy in style!

I am psychic

For the following reasons:
One, I was JUST writing about the Duggars and now they are having their 18th kid!! Love it!
Why so many kids? Why?
In the above picture they only have 14 kids.
All of their names start with J. Most of them aren't too bad except for poor Jinger. For some reason that spelling makes me think of a vaginal infection.


Two: I had a dream that I would get this job. Which would be great if it wasn't like an hour commute. Day after I had the dream, they called for an interview. Today I had the interview and basically have the job if I want it. More on that later, but I need to get some house cleaning done b/c my seester is coming tomorrow.